


Til Death Do Us Part

by MsThunderFrost



Series: Achilles, the Relationship Counselor [4]
Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, American Sign Language, Anal Fingering, Bathroom Sex, Bottom Hermes (Hades Video Game), Charon has Bradycardia, Established Relationship, Extended Families, Fluff, M/M, Medical Conditions, Partying, Past Megaera/Zagreus (Hades Video Game), Professional Athlete Hermes (Hades Video Game), Public Sex, Spanking, Stripping, Top Charon (Hades Video Game), Wedding Fluff, Weddings, brief medical scare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:54:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29373426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsThunderFrost/pseuds/MsThunderFrost
Summary: They’re next on the docket. He’s starting to feel a little nervous. “You look so handsome, darling. The both of you do.” Nyx offers them both a small smile, before reaching into her purse. “I have something for you. An early wedding gift, of sorts.”Hermes blinks, “Oh, but Nyx… you didn’t have to…” Nyx presses a small box into his hands, insistent. Hermes is too overcome with emotion to press the issue further as he lifts the lid off of the box to reveal—“No. Nyx, you… I can’t accept this.”Nyx shakes her head, “I’m afraid that I must insist. I offered Megaera a similar gift, on the eve of her and Hypnos’ wedding. Consider it a small token, to welcome you into the family.” She smiles. Hermes honestly cannot believe it. After everything that this woman had already done for him—for them…--A direct sequel to "A Hades Christmas Carol". Set in the same 'verse as "Achilles, the Relationship Counselor".
Relationships: Charon/Hermes (Hades Video Game), Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)
Series: Achilles, the Relationship Counselor [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074767
Comments: 11
Kudos: 82





	1. The Wedding

It’s not the ceremony of his dreams.

Not that he really has any idea what the ceremony of his dreams would look like, anyway. He’d talked it over with Dionysus, of course, but it seemed like every time they tried to hammer out the details, he wanted something just a little bit different. Sometimes, it was something as innocuous as wanting the flowers that would adorn the pews to be a different color, others it was something bigger, like hiring a small string quartet instead of a DJ to play the reception. But no matter what he changed, the details never seemed to _fit_. The only thing that felt absolutely right was Charon, standing at the altar, ready to exchange rings and commit himself to him forever. Which was, admittedly, a rather important detail. But also, if he wasn’t pleased with _that_ , at the very least, they had much bigger problems to contend with.

He fidgets with the hem of his barong, his dark eyes flickering back and forth amongst the small group of people who’d gathered to bear witness to the ceremony. Nyx is there, of course, in a lovely black lace dress that falls to just above her knees, with a gauzy royal purple infinity scarf looped loosely around her neck. Zagreus is there as well, serving as their second witness. He doesn’t have a suit, but he still looks incredibly dapper in a pair of form-fitting black slacks and a crimson button-down. Hermes had taken Charon’s advice and reached out to his mother about attending, but…

His mother had never had—nor has she _wanted_ to have—an active role in his life. She loved him—or, at least, that’s what she wrote in the cards that she’d sent for his birthday, Christmas, and most of the major events in his life (some even included checks for such a pitiful amount of money, it wasn’t worth the gas needed to drive to the bank to cash them). It’s never really bothered Hermes before. Still… it would’ve been nice for her to actually pretend to be interested in the fact that her only son was about to be married. Instead, she’d just never responded to the invitation. Hermes had let the matter drop, and that was that.

They’re next on the docket. He’s starting to feel a little nervous. “You look so handsome, darling. The both of you do.” Nyx offers them both a small smile, before reaching into her purse. “I have something for you. An early wedding gift, of sorts.”

Hermes blinks, “Oh, but Nyx… you didn’t have to…” Nyx presses a small box into his hands, insistent. Hermes is too overcome with emotion to press the issue further as he lifts the lid off of the box to reveal—“No. Nyx, you… I can’t accept this.”

Nyx shakes her head, “I’m afraid that I must insist. I offered Megaera a similar gift, on the eve of her and Hypnos’ wedding. Consider it a small token, to welcome you into the family.” She smiles. Hermes honestly cannot believe it. After everything that this woman had already done for him—for _them_ …

“Charon, did you know that she…?” He blinks rapidly to fight back the tears that’re brewing in the corners of his eyes. Even waterproof mascara has its limits, and he won’t ruin his special day by having murky tear-stains coursing down his cheeks.

His husband-to-be nods. [You mentioned needing something old, so…]

“I didn’t expect your mother would just _give_ me her amethyst necklace.” Hermes exclaims. Nyx plucks the piece of jewelry from Hermes’ trembling hands and fixes the chain around his neck. “It’s… It’s _too_ nice. Nyx, please, you must allow me to give you something in return—”

His soon-to-be mother-in-law presses a finger to his lips, “You’re already giving me a priceless gift by becoming my son-in-law.” She says. Her tone brokers no room for argument. “All I ask is that you treat each other well, and that you try your best to be happy together. Do that for me, and you will have given me the only gift I desire—and need.”

“Oh, Nyx!” He tosses his arms around her and brings her in for a tight hug. Nyx’s eyes widen a little in surprise, but she does not hesitate to return the embrace.

Charon steps in a moment later with a handkerchief. [You need to blot. Your mascara is starting to run.]

“Shit!” Hermes takes the handkerchief and begins to frantically pat at his eyes, blinking rapidly to keep the rest of the tears at bay. He’d promised himself that he wouldn’t start crying until _after_ they’d exchanged rings, dammit!

Although Nyx had suggested that they ask Thanatos to be the second witness at the ceremony, both Charon and Hermes had agreed that it was best to ask Zagreus. While each of Hermes’ siblings who’d been present at the disastrous Christmas dinner that’d led to his impromptu ceremony had expressed their support for their decision, Hermes knew that it would spark a _tremendous_ fight if he asked only _one_ of them to come down to the courthouse with them to bear witness to the ceremony. Charon’s younger siblings were decidedly calmer, but after they’d been caught having sex in Thanatos’ guest room, they decided it would probably be best not to rock the boat. Zagreus was about as neutral as third parties could come, having garnered at least a little bit of favor with almost everyone—

The poor kid had been most worried about the fact that he didn’t have a proper suit to wear to the ceremony. Hermes hadn’t cared, so long as he promised not to show up to the courthouse in jeans (although, that would certainly create a _look_ , and he didn’t fault anyone else who was interested in creating that sort of aesthetic for their own wedding). Charon likely would’ve _bought_ him a suit, had there been a bit more time between Hermes springing the idea of a courthouse wedding on Charon at Christmas and them actually heading down to the courthouse to follow through with the idea.

A small part of Hermes _still_ couldn’t believe that they were actually about to be married.

“I’m happy for you, mate.” Zagreus claps him on the shoulder hard enough to send him teetering forward, just a bit. Hermes offers him a warbling smile. He’s excited and terrified and feels a bit like he’s going to throw up—

“Thanks, Coz.” He takes a deep breath, his eyes darting down to look at the large, teardrop-cut amethyst dangling from his neck. “Before you know it, it’ll be your turn.” Zagreus and Thanatos hadn’t been together properly for all that long—and the beginning of their relationship had certainly had its ups and downs—but Hermes had faith that it would all work out.

“Heh…” Zagreus sheepishly rubs the back of his neck, “I don’t know if Than’s really the marrying type.”

Nyx cocks her head to the side, a knowing smile playing at the corners of her lips. “He is. With the right person.”

A dark flush rises up the long column of Zagreus’ neck to stain his cheeks, “I… well, um…” His sudden awkwardness brings a smile to Hermes’ lips. He feels a bit bad for teasing him like this, but… well, he’s just so adorable when he’s flustered.

“Thanatos has been head over heels in love with you, ever since you were about this big.” Hermes squats down, demonstrating the height that little Zagreus had been when he and Charon had first called themselves ‘friends with benefits’. “Even when he was dating your sister, the only one that he ever had eyes for was you.”

Zagreus puffs out his cheeks, “Yes, well… that whole mess was destined to fail from the beginning. Honestly, I’m kind of amazed that they lasted as long as they did.” That seems to be just about everyone’s perception of Thanatos and Makaria’s relationship.

“I believe he cared for her, in his own way.” Nyx says. “It was not love, but… they shared a strong bond. Not unlike you and Megaera.” Yes, but Zagreus’ bond with Megaera used to involve _a lot_ of sex. Hermes knows because, unfortunately, his fiancé—soon-to-be husband—had strongly advised him against bleaching his brain after he’d walked in on, well…

Let’s just say, he’d been over the moon when Nyx had bought a new couch for her living room.

Hermes rocks back and forth on his heels, twisting the hem of his barong between his fingers. Any second now, the officiant would poke their head out of the chamber and usher them inside to begin the proceedings. He’s not scared. He could never be scared. The knowledge that he’s about to take a major step toward spending the rest of his life legally bound to Charon is exhilarating (even if, to be fair, he’s fairly certain that their married under the common law—and have been for some time now). It’s just… he wants everything to be _perfect_ , and even if this is something that they’d both agreed on (well… Hermes had proposed the idea in front of all of their friends and family, so there was the slightest possibility that this wasn’t actually what Charon wanted and he’d just chosen to go along with it because he’d thought that that was what Hermes wanted and—)

Charon reaches out to cup Hermes cheeks in his massive hands. His palms provide a comforting warmth that Hermes sinks into contentedly… He’s always found such unbelievable comfort in Charon’s touch, and he’s endlessly fascinated with the way such delicate appendages can hold such _power_. The same hands that stroke away his tears can render his ass a deep, dark crimson when he misbehaves… can pin him down to the bed and hold him perfectly still with the greatest of ease. Hermes turns his head ever so slightly, brushing his lips over the inside of Charon’s pale wrist, directly over his pulse.

…His heart rate is elevated.

It wouldn’t even be noticeable, save for the fact that this is Charon and Hermes takes pride in knowing everything that there is to know about his man. And if there’s one thing he knows, it’s that his fiancé’s resting heart rate is _dangerously_ low. He’d been diagnosed with a congenital heart defect shortly after birth, which had, in turn, caused bradycardia. It hadn’t been severe enough to warrant medical intervention at the time, but had progressively worsened with age, to the point where he’d needed to have a pacemaker put in on the eve of his eighteenth birthday.

That had, undoubtedly, been the worst seventy-two hours of Hermes’ life thus far.

“Are you feeling alright, love?” Hermes is already calculating the fastest route to the hospital, and how to get him there without inciting anyone to panic—even if he is definitely trying to tamp down his own rising panic—when Charon pulls him in for a gentle kiss. “O-Oh…” he murmurs against Charon’s soft lips.

Charon pulls away, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. [You’re not the only one whose nervous, Hermes. So long as you’re not planning on leaving me at the altar… well, the equivalent of the altar.]

Hermes thumps him on the chest, “As if I would _ever_. Don’t even kid about something like that.” He sticks out his tongue. Charon grins.

The official pokes her head out of the chambers, “Mr. Stygian? Mr. Caduceus?” She offers them a welcoming smile, “Are you ready to get married?”

It’s not the ceremony of his dreams.

Most of the officiant’s words fade into a pleasant, distant buzz. He’s distantly aware of the fact that she’s speaking about the love that they share, the trials that they have overcome—and will continue to overcome—together… but his eyes are focused on Charon’s twitching hands. Charon catches him staring and gives him a small smile, signing a quick [I love you]. Hermes starts to sob in earnest, uncaring of the fact that his make-up is being absolutely ruined. There’s no place that he would rather be in this exact moment… and he cannot express how glad he is that Charon feels the same. Charon’s vows are like a balm to Hermes’ soul, he thinks he might be able to live off them forever. Hermes’ own vows are practically incomprehensible around his tears, but Charon seems to appreciate them, all the same.

Charon slips an elegant white-gold band onto his finger to complete his wedding set, and the officiant declares them husband and husband. It doesn’t quite sink in until Charon’s lips brush over his, and Zagreus starts bawling because ‘he always cries at weddings’. Nyx appears close to tears herself, delicately dabbing at the corners of her eyes with a small handkerchief. Hermes’ chest feels so full, he thinks that it might explode. He didn’t think it was possible to love this man anymore than he already did, and yet… He’s so damn excited to spend the rest of his life with him.

It’s not the ceremony of his dreams. It’s one-thousand times better.

And since Dionysus had been put in charge of the reception… he has a feeling that the night is only just getting started.


	2. The Reception

“I see that Aunt Demeter is already taking full advantage of the open bar.” Hermes had asked Dionysus to tack on an open bar to each and every incarnation of his reception, knowing for a fact that it would be 110% easier to deal with most of his relatives once the alcohol started flowing. It was the one thing he’d _consistently_ asked for, without fail.

Dionysus frowns, “I give you _all of this_ , and the _first_ thing that you notice is that Auntie Demeter is drunk? Auntie Demeter is _always_ drunk!” So is Dionysus, but this doesn’t seem like the best time to mention that.

“It’s lovely, Dio. Really. Everything that I could have ever wanted and more.” There’s so much food, Hermes doesn’t even know where to _start_. And the cake! The cake is an absolute _masterpiece_ , with so many layers that it stands about an inch or so taller than Charon.

“I mean… that’s not exactly true, now is it?” Dionysus huffs, “You had so many different ideas for the _floral arrangements on the ends of the pews_ , man. We never even had an actual conversation about the reception.”

It takes Hermes a minute to catch onto what his brother is doing, “Fishing for compliments there, Dio?”

Dionysus raises an eyebrow. “Absolutely not. Unless it’s working.”

There are so many people in the club, it’s difficult to identify the various faces. Demeter, of course, is camping the bar—having already had enough to drink that she’s _almost_ smiling. Apollo and Eumelia are chatting with Artemis and Calisto (Apollo had called Hermes the day before to say that they wouldn’t be able to stay long, because of the baby, but they fully intended to drop in for a little while and wish them both well), and the triplets—Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos—were off in the far corner near the bathrooms, keeping to themselves. He supposes that he can’t just refer to them as the triplets anymore, seeing as Dionysus’ girls were _also_ triplets… and decidedly less creepy. Hermes hurriedly looks away before they can catch him staring.

Thanatos and Zagreus are at one of the nearby tables, sharing a plate of hors d’oeuvres. Or, more accurately, Zagreus is tasting a little bit of everything, and then hand-feeding it to Thanatos, much to the older man’s embarrassment. Hypnos and Meg are seated at the table alongside of them, with Hypnos asleep face-first in his dinner salad and Meg taking pictures on her phone to save for posterity. Hypnos is good for her—Hermes cannot remember Meg ever smiling this much as a kid, or even during her brief stint with Zagreus.

Aphrodite is already drunk, and has managed to climb up on top of one of the rickety tables to start dancing. Hephaestus looks on in horror, while Ares actively cheers her on as she begins to strip out of her shirt. Hermes barely has a chance to be glad that Dionysus had talked him out of a family-friendly venue before… yep, that’s a nipple. Meanwhile, on the _actual_ dance floor, Alecto and Tisiphone are attempting to coax a reluctant Athena into dancing with them. Knowing his sister, it’s probably not going to work, but… it’s cute that they’re trying.

It is then that Hermes spots a lone figure wandering up to the bar. He keeps his distance from Demeter and orders something strong, if the bartender’s sudden heavy-handedness is any indication. Hermes tugs on his new husband’s sleeve sharply in an attempt to get his attention—

Charon turns to him, [What’s the matter, love?]

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to go around and greet the guests, is all.” Hermes offers him his most disarming smile. “Try not to miss me too much while I’m gone, hmm?”

He offers his new husband a gentle kiss, before wandering over to the bar. He claims the seat alongside the mysterious man and orders himself a shot of whiskey. It doesn’t take much to confirm his suspicion that this was the mysterious Patroclus, who worked with Hypnos and Apollo at the medical office just down the road from Charon’s place of business. Hermes had been under the impression that he and his husband wouldn’t be able to make it to the event due to some… well, ‘trouble in paradise’, as it were. Though, as he looks around, he realizes that Achilles is nowhere to be found, and with a slight sinking in his gut, he wonders if that was because they’d decided to end things… officially.

“Hey, man.” Hermes flashes a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. It feels wrong to rub his happiness in the other man’s face, especially when he is so clearly distressed, so he plans to make this quick. “I just wanted to say thank you for coming. It means a whole lot.”

Patroclus offers him a tired smile, “I’d been wondering whether or not I should come. The invitation was for my Achilles after all—I was just his plus one. But… I’m glad that I did.”

Hermes’ smile is a bit more genuine this time, “That’s wonderful to hear. And of course, you’re _always_ welcome at one of my brother Dio’s parties. The more the merrier, as he’d say.” Hermes is glad that he came, even if only to keep Demeter company at the bar.

“The more the merrier…” Patroclus stares into his half-full glass of wine, thoughtful.

“And also… it’s just… _good_ to get out of the house sometimes, you know?” He says. “His parties can get a little wild, so… if that’s not your cup of tea, I completely understand.” Hermes looks over to where Aphrodite’s topless dancing has caused quite the little crowd to gather.

Patroclus looks over as well, one eyebrow raised. “You have a very… colorful family.”

Hermes nods, “That is… indeed, one way of putting it.”

He leaves Patroclus to his own devices, and begins to mingle with the other guests. He catches the tail-end of Apollo, Eumelia, Artemis, and Calisto’s conversation—apparently Eumelia is pregnant _again_. The young woman seems cautiously excited, not having planned on having children back-to-back like this. Apollo is practically on top of her, shielding her from any potential danger (in this case, Aphrodite falling off of the nearby table and sending them both toppling to the ground). Calisto is ecstatic, already helping to plan out baby names.

Meanwhile, Artemis raises a brow, “Don’t the doctors usually recommend waiting four to six weeks to start having sex after giving birth?” She looks at Apollo, who has been to medical school and works in a doctor’s office.

“What can I say?” Apollo sticks out his tongue, “How can I be expected to control myself when my wife is this beautiful?” Eumelia blushes bright red and hurriedly sucks down a mouthful of sparkling cider.

“Oh, I don’t know… maybe because you don’t want to cause any post-delivery complications? Because maybe, just maybe, you want to keep her _alive_?” Hermes decides that now is as good a time as any to jump into the mess of a conversation that they have going between them.

“Hi! Hello, thank you all for coming.” He gives each of them a quick hug, “And congrats on the newest addition!”

Apollo is going to end up wifeless with thirteen kids… but that’s a problem for him to worry about in about ten years, when Eumelia finally files for divorce. In the meantime, he heads over to Ares, Aphrodite, and Hephaestus. Ares is too busy collecting the small bills that various guests have been attempting to shove into the waistband of Aphrodite’s jeans and the straps of her heels—one particularly creative soul had managed to get a twenty to stick between the cleft of Aphrodite’s pert little breasts. Ares intended to let her keep that one. Hephaestus is fidgeting in his wheelchair, rolling his wedding ring back and forth between his pointer finger and thumb and attempting to pretend like he doesn’t know who _any_ of these people are.

Hermes can’t really blame him. He’s _actively_ trying to forget that he’s related to half of these idiots on a daily basis.

Although, if Charon wanted to hop up onto a table and start stripping, well… he certainly wouldn’t be opposed.

He takes an hors d’oeuvres off a passing tray and pops it into his mouth, “Glad you could make it, big bro!” He claps Hephaestus on the shoulder. His brother continues muttering to himself. “And Ares… you look like you’re having fun.”

Ares smiles wistfully, “I could watch those tits bounce all day… did you know that ‘dite recently stopped wearing a bra?” Hermes did not, nor did he have any real use for such knowledge. But he’s glad that Ares knew, and that it made him happy.

“Hermes…” Aphrodite sing-songs, her words all beginning to slur together. “Bring us over some more tequila shots so that we can make a… a _toast_ to that happy couple! This rounds on me!”

Hermes is about to remind her that it’s an open bar, so technically _all_ the drinks are on _him_ … but then she starts trying to unbutton her pants and that, apparently, is where Hephaestus draws the line. “I’ll, uh… be back to check in on you lot later.”

He’s just about to see how Thanatos and Zagreus are doing in their lovey-dovey little corner when Charon arrives to tell him that Dionysus wants them to cut the cake before everyone is too sloshed to properly enjoy it. Hermes is not embarrassed to admit that he has to stand on a chair in order to be able to properly grip the knife to cut the first slice. When their respective slices are plated, he picks up the soft, gooey confection with his fingers and shoves it messily into Charon’s mouth. Bits of rich, creamy vanilla frosting drip down onto his suit, along with crumbs of various sizes. Charon pays him back in kind, and while they end up wearing more of the cake than they actually ate (and there are about half a dozen pictures to prove as much), it’s still one of the happiest moments of Hermes’ life thus far.

“Hey.” He pokes Charon in the side, after making the questionable decision to wash down wedding cake with shrimp cocktail. “You wanna take a page out of Aphrodite’s book and do something naughty and wildly inappropriate in the club bathroom?” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Charon’s eyes flash, [That has to be the _least_ sexy attempt at a proposition. Ever.]

Hermes’ grin widens, “I’m not hearing a no…”

Charon looks around. The party is as lively as ever, and will likely continue that way for some time. Surely, no-one will notice if they step away for a few moments… Taking his new husband by the wrist, he begins to lead him off in the direction of the bathrooms. [Just this once.]

* * *

The men’s restroom is small in comparison to the rest of the club, with stalls that’re scarcely able to comfortably accommodate one full-grown man—let alone two. But Hermes is attached to his husband (he smiles a little to himself, overjoyed to _finally_ be able to call this wonderful man his husband) like glue, delighting in every last inch of warm flesh he can feel beneath Charon’s suit. He wonders, idly, just how much he can get away with without causing any _noticeable_ damage.

Technically, if he wraps his lips around Charon’s cock and drinks down everything he has to offer, then there won’t be anything left behind to make a mess. He’s also fairly certain he saw a condom machine on the way into the bathroom, though he may’ve been mistaken. He’d been a bit… _preoccupied_.

Hermes is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice the wicked little glint in Charon’s eyes. He lets his new husband mull over all of the naughty possibilities available to them, before taking a seat on the toilet and tugging Hermes over his lap. The smaller man lets out a startled little squawk as he suddenly finds his chin tucked under the soft curve of Charon’s thigh, with Charon’s bony hand snaking underneath the waistband of his dress pants and briefs to caress the full curve of his ass. Charon’s various rings have been warmed by his body heat, but are still a little cool against Hermes’ skin as Charon transitions from stroking his skin to massaging it plaintively. And even though Hermes’ rational mind _knows_ what’s coming next, he still jumps a little as the resounding—

_SMACK_

—echoes off the tile as Charon’s palm comes down on the full swell of his left cheek. He grits his teeth, his dark eyes fluttering as his back arches sharply, his cheek blooming a dark crimson where Charon’s hand had struck down. A second later, he lands three more blows in quick succession—

_SMACK, SMACK, SMACK_

_—_ one to the right cheek, another to the left, and a third on his crack, just a little bit below his tailbone. Hermes’ entire body lurches, his cock firm and drooling against the leg of Charon’s suit—so much for not making a mess. A second later, Charon is sliding black-painted nails into his mouth, the harsh fluorescent lighting reflecting off the new, white-gold band on his left ring finger. Hermes’ heart swells even as the fingers, which taste of the icing from the piece of cake that Hermes had shoved into his mouth earlier, press down on his tongue in an effort to keep him silent. The bathroom is by no means private, and with the sheer number of people that’ve gathered in the club to help celebrate their special day, it’s only a matter of time until someone walks in.

When he’s calmed a little, Charon begins to stroke his ass once more. Occasionally, his fingers will dip into Hermes’ crack, to tease along the edges of his sensitive little furl. He’ll press the very tip of his finger inside, teasing Hermes with the promise of more, only to pull away just as Hermes moves to rock his hips back and take his own pleasure. The smaller man’s hips move of their own accord, the soft, rutting motion causing his weeping cockhead to drag along the rough fabric of Charon’s pants. It’s not long before Charon can feel pre begin to seep through the fabric and onto his leg… he draws his hand back and lands several sharp, stinging swats to the tender undercurve of Hermes’ ass, where cheek meets thigh—

_SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK_

Hermes has not been told to count. In fact, the fingers in his mouth would suggest that he’s meant to be quiet. But gods, the urge to thank Charon for each and every swat is _strong_. Perhaps, once they’re on their honeymoon, he might be able to convince Charon to recreate this little scene in bed—

The door to the bathroom opens.

“Dio really wasn’t kidding when he said that shit was strong…” although the words are all slurring together, there is no doubt in Hermes’ lust-fogged mind that that voice belongs to Zagreus.

“I told you that he would drink you under the table.” Thanatos replies, exasperated. He seems to have drawn the short straw, and was now stuck escorting his incredibly drunk boyfriend to the bathroom. “Dionysus makes his own moonshine, Zag. You never stood a chance.”

“Yeah.” There’s the sound of rushing water, and then Thanatos cursing—and grunting—as Zagreus likely almost topples over. “Still, it was fun. You should… should have a couple’a drinks, too. Loosen up a little. It’s good for you.”

Charon’s fingers withdraw from his mouth… only for one of the spit-lubed fingers to begin to ease into his quivering hole. Hermes’ eyes widen, his teeth sinking down into his lower lip in a last minute effort to stifle a moan. He glares up at Charon, his cheeks hot with a mixture of embarrassment and lust as the finger bottoms out inside of him—just on the other side of the door, Thanatos is encouraging Zagreus to splash some water onto his face to help him sober up. Apparently, the other man had taken a drunken spill on the dancefloor. In all honesty, he probably wouldn’t be the last person to go ass-over-teakettle that night.

Charon begins to work his finger back and forth, nice and slow. The slight swell of his wedding band catches on Hermes’ rim and sends delightful little shivers coursing down his spine. His cheeks still swing where Charon’s hand had come down on them just a short while before—he grabs onto Charon’s leg and pleads through gritted teeth for _more_. Charon only smiles, continuing on at the same torturous pace. The water stops running. Hermes bites down on his lip so hard he can taste blood in his mouth.

“Marry me.” Hermes almost chokes. Thanatos _literally_ chokes on air.

“I…” There’s a long stretch of silence. Hermes can hear his own blood rushing in his ears, feel the pounding of his heart against his rib cage. “You’re drunk, Zagreus. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Except I do. And it kind of sounds like you’re telling me ‘no’ right now, and… You know what, forget I said anything, alright?” Hermes’ heart breaks a little at the way that Zagreus’ voice is shaking. This may not have been the best time to bring up a proposal, but a rejection is a rejection is a rejection—and it always hurts.

“Don’t be like that, Zag…” The bathroom door opens, closes. Thanatos lets out a long-suffering sigh, “Fucking…” The door opens and closes again, leaving Charon and Hermes together in silence.

Until Charon slides another long, thin finger inside of his husband, and Hermes sucks in a desperate, shuddering gulp of air. He scissors him slowly, the pads of his fingers occasionally grazing up against Hermes’ prostate. Hermes’ entire body trembles, tears collecting in the corners of his eyes as his body pulls taut as a bowstring, his cock positively _aching_ to spill his seed… Charon keeps him there, teetering on the edge of release, long enough for actual tears to begin streaking down his cheeks. He doesn’t know if he can handle another person coming into the bathroom and interrupting _this_. Doesn’t know if he can be _good_ and keep from rutting against Charon’s leg until he spills, making a mess of _both_ of their outfits.

Charon’s free hand moves up to tangle in his hair, yanking his head back so that he could look up into Charon’s pale, stormy eyes and see all of the love reflected there… His scalp _stings_ in the most delightfully pleasant of ways, but it’s nothing compared to the hot _ache_ that spreads through his ass when Charon releases his hair to land three swift, decisive blows to the sensitive undercurve of his ass. His hips move of their own accord, his cock twitching as the pleasure-pain sends him teetering over the edge into absolute bliss.

When he comes to, it is to Charon tenderly stroking the curve of his jaw, concern reflected in his pale eyes as he looks Hermes over for any serious damage. Hermes chuckles weakly, “I’m alright, love. Just… need a minute to catch my breath, is all.”

“Hmm…” Charon’s mouth quirks upward into the smallest of smiles as he nods. [Take all the time that you need, my love. I’m sure that they can continue on without us for a little while longer.]

“I’m sure they can.” Charon helps him to shift so that he is sitting properly on his lap—although his ass is elevated a little, too keep the pressure off of his smarting cheeks. Hermes buries his face in Charon’s chest and breathes deeply, relaxing against his husband.

Gods, but he could get used to this.

* * *

“There you are, Hermes! I’ve been looking all over for you!” Dionysus corners him shortly after they leave the bathroom, “Look, your big surprise just got here. They’re feeling a little… _skittish_ , so I figured you could meet them outside the club and chat for a little while.”

Hermes blinks, not quite understanding. “I… wait, what? You mean you have more planned than just this?” This had already been one hell of a night, he couldn’t imagine how it was meant to get any better.

Dionysus nods, “Look, I… after the whole fiasco at Christmas, and you uninviting dad to the reception, I decided to… well, to reach out to some family that we haven’t talked to in a while. I didn’t want to say anything in case it didn’t pan out, but… surprise? I was able to convince Poseidon’s sons to drop by—”

“Drop by?” Hermes repeats, dumbfounded. “Dio, they live in _California_! That’s a seven and a half hour flight. T-They didn’t just…” Tears begin to build in the corners of Hermes’ eyes for an entirely new reason.

“What can I say? They wanted to pay their respects to the happy couple.” He shrugs.

Hermes races out of the club, belatedly realizing that he hadn’t asked Dionysus where his cousins were waiting. It turns out that he doesn’t have to look all that hard. Triton is standing by the curb, lighting a cigarette off of the stub that Orion is just about to snuff out. Both boys— _men_ , Hermes firmly reminds himself, it’d been so long since he’d last seen his cousins that they’d both grown into strapping young _men_ —are wearing shorts, thoroughly unprepared for the rigors of an east coast winter. It makes Hermes’ laugh until he cries.

Triton is the first to notice him. He has grown into an unfairly pretty little thing, with a mess of sandy blonde hair piled on top of his head in a loose bun. A few loose strands frame his chiseled face, and are curled, ever so slightly, with sweat. His eyes are green, with flecks of gold and deep, chocolate brown that’re brought out by the two brass rings he has in his left eyebrow. The warm tones complement his sun-kissed skin, which is dotted with reddish-brown freckles—there’s a heavy concentration of them around his sharp nose and delicate cheeks. He is certainly a far cry from the scrawny little kid who’d clung to Poseidon’s leg and _sobbed_ after Zeus had told him that he’d never amount to anything without brains like Athena or talent like Apollo…

Orion turns to see what his brother is staring at, and, upon seeing Hermes, offers him a small smile and a wave. Orion’s dark hair falls in gentle waves over his broad shoulders, pulled back away from his face with an octopus hair clip. His tan is a few shades darker than Triton’s, with hints of red likely caused by a mild sunburn. His eyes are the same shade of green as Triton’s (their unusual eye color was the one physical trait that all three of Poseidon’s son’s shared), with deep laugh lines at the corners.

Orion nibbles on his lip ring, “Oh, hey Coz! We were, uh… just thinkin’ about making our way in. Had to wait for Atlas to park the car first. This parking lot’s a real bit—”

Hermes launches himself at the two men, drawing them into a tight hug. “Y-You two don’t know… You couldn’t _possibly_ know… How much it means to me that you came.”

He thinks that he hears Triton sniffle, before the taller man bops him on the crown of his head with his chin. “…I think I can imagine.” Their arms loop around him, dragging him in even closer. “We wouldn’t have missed it for the world, mate.”

Hermes’ entire body shudders as he sobs. This… This was hands-down the greatest wedding gift he could’ve ever asked for. Never, in his wildest dreams, would he have imagined that Triton would agree to have _anything_ to do with their side of the family. Not after what Zeus had done.

If the majority of the night had been any indication as to what he had to look forward to for the rest of his life…

Then by the gods, his future looked bright.

**Author's Note:**

> Charmes won the Twitter poll for the Valentine's Day fic <3 I hope you all enjoy, and stick around for the reception. It's going to be one hell of a party ;)
> 
> Follow me on twitter [@MsThunderFrost](https://twitter.com/MsThunderFrost)


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